Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Another amazing medical breakthrough as U.S. performs first face transplant…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 12:22 PM Permalink

…from the headlines of the Washington
Cleveland Clinic Performs First U.S. Face Transplant
As reported by the doctors there, led by surgeon Herr Doctor Mastercutter, the surgery was complicated, difficult, and not something that the team would necessarily undertake again as it was fraught with danger at every stage of the operation.

"It was difficult enough just to get the patient isolated without the world discovering his true identify as, in this case, the patient also happened to be a high-ranking government official who insisted upon absolute anonymity," said Herr Doctor.

And although the surgical procedure itself is not now new and ground-breaking as in previous cases, the introduction of dozens of security personnel into the operating theater caused all sorts of problems never before dealt with, such as the sterilization of the security staff and making available the attire necessary to enable that staff to remain in a position to constantly maintain security over the patient.

Each doctor and nurse involved were carefully vetted to insure that they posed no threat to the patient while the patient was under the influence of the powerful drugs that allowed the patient to feel no pain but remain conscious enough the keep the surgeon advised as to whether he was in pain or not.

"It was a grueling surgery, one such as I had never undertaken before and one I am ever likely to attempt again, but the surgery was, thankfully, 100% successful," continued the Her Doctor, " and I can now safely report the success we have enjoyed with replacing a face not out of medical need, but to forever conceal the identity of the operations recipient."

When posed with the query as to who would be willing to undergo such complicated surgery for a mere change of identity, Herr Doctor Mastercutter went completely off the record so that he could anonymously confirm, "…[T]hat it is completely confirmed that Dick Cheney has now been transformed into George W. Bush."

Labels: , , , ,


Post a Comment

<< Home