I've got some ideas for ridding ourselves of…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 12:42 PM Permalink

…the scourge of the recent numerous attacks of both American and European aircraft by terrorists trained geese, ducks, and the most commonly hit bird, the dove. Like the two terrorist geese that brought down Sully's Airbus and forced a river landing that was textbook perfect.

What's called for is a strike force trained in bird observation and identification that can move through marshy terrain while maintaining focus on the terrorist threat. This new cadre of soldiers should be taught the different paths each type of bird might pursue to place the new forces in a position to attack.

The solution is easy, and can be implemented in a very short time, if not immediately. It is cost effective method for the demanding job of fighting terrorist birds.

My solution is highly complex, so if you must break out a slide rule, start a new Excel spreadsheet, or crunch the numbers through a Cray Supercomputer in order to grasp this plan, please do so.

Dogs, Bird Dogs (In the vein of Bond, James Bond), specially trained troops stationed at airports, along with very loud but otherwise harmless super-size cannons making a big bang. The dogs, of course, would necessarily be taught to never encroach on the tarmac, but just to chase away migratory terrorist birds.

And the best part is all the dogs would ask in return would be a warm place to sleep, a light, but healthy diet, and a kind pat on the head. Think of the value!

Think of the doggie fun!

Or we could ask cheney to do national and international jaunts teaching hunters to hit the bird they are aiming at without shooting another trainee in the face.

FOOTNOTE: I also have an exciting solution to replace the practically useless Hum Vee, which is too wide for most roads, especially the ones being operated upon today.

It is the quintessential vehicle that can go places no Hum Vee , half-tracks, 2 1/2 ton trucks, or any other of the huge vehicles we currently use in a combat scenario. It is almost maintenance free, can carry a soldier and his gear to the many places to which they must go without burning up hundreds of gallons of fuel and has absolutely superior off road capabilities. They can be bought on the common market for pennies, compared to tanks and such, and it costs little to fuel them as they can survive on the vegetation of the many terrains and combat environments where our troops are considered to be the enemy. This mode of transportation would be a welcome visitor in most places, entertaining for the kids, sure to be fun, and guaranteed for laughs at a party.

It's called a 'horse.'

Labels: satire, snark