Oh, no! Say it ain't so! NYT headline: Disney to Pay $4 Billion for Marvel Comics…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 1:13 PM Permalink

Update by The Vidiot: Sorry Bill. Had to add the picture and this link to a fabulous collection of Disney/Marvel mashups.

…I can just see it now: Goofy, the love-able dog takes his friend from the pound to a scientific research lab. While snooping around and taking pictures a small group of genetically enhanced spiders, captured at David Bowie's "Glass Spider" concert, slowly descends from the ceiling playing a little rag-time music until they accidentally bump into Goofy's head and lose their drummer. The Spider Band leader immediately takes revenge by leaping onto and then biting Goofy's ear. The next morning Goofy awakes to find he is now Pluto, the Spiderdog! Much fun ensues, guaranteed to get laughs from the children!

"Sergeant Duck and his Howling Commandos" would rapidly follow as the next release detailing the adventures of Donald Fauntleroy Duck [and that is his real middle name, see 1942 or 3's "Donald Joins the Army," where his middle name is revealed on his enlistment papers]. Weary of being confused for a British Duck because of his middle name and totally un-understandable accent, Donald gathers a formidable fighting force composed of Hewey, Dewey, and Lewie Duck and, along with Nick Fury wreaks havoc with the German Army. Much fun ensues, guaranteed to get laughs from the children!

Jiminy Cricket is working in his lab trying to bring life to Pinocchio when Geppetto inadvertently pulls a wrong lever, suddenly releasing incredible amounts of gamma radiation that, combined with the wax on Pinnocchio, combines to cause an explosion that totally destroys the lab, Jiminy Cricket, and Geppetto. The only survivor of this horrible event is Pinocchio who, when you pull his strings, becomes a raging giant green puppet who can only be calmed and returned to normal by kicking Mickey Mouse's ass and having his way with Minnie Mouse. Much fun ensues, guaranteed to get laughs from the children!

In the somber opening scene of a new film, the body of a beautiful lass lies in state in a glass coffin while people quietly pass, offering their condolences. Along comes a charming prince, whom we shall refer to henceforth as Prince Charming, who is not content with merely looking at the beautiful lass and is compelled to open the casket and lay a big wet kiss upon her lips. As they kiss the armor of the prince seems to liquify and begins flowing onto and converting the princess' garb into red and golden armor. The change is complete when the princess awakes, slaps prince Charming silly, and discovers that her new armored gown endows her with super-strength, vision, hearing, and has made her impervious to harm. As she dismounts the casket she finds that small jet engines in various spots on the armor enable her to fly. She assumes the identity of "IronPrincess" and commences a career fighting tyrants, criminals, and anyone passing out poisoned apples. Much fun ensues, guaranteed to get laughs from the children!

Just say it ain't so! PLEASE just say it ain't so!

Labels: betrayal, comic, humor, snark.