Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I sez it's a conspiracy I tells ya…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 10:00 AM Permalink

…Go feast (or it it foist upon?) your eyes on the latest, greatest so-called "fashions" designed to make eleven feet tall, toothpick thin models, look ugly as hell.

It's a conspiracy I tells ya to make women look ridiculously insane for spending thousands and thousands of dollars for dresses and other garb that do nothing but make them look like aliens from Galaxy IOK-1 (which happens to be my home galaxy. I'd visit home again but I could barely survive the aging process, even in suspended animation), but that aside we do have some ugly female lifeforms there. Ya gotta go to Galaxy SDF J132522.3+273520 or SDF J132418.3+271455 to find the REALLY hot babes.

But surely the clothes designers of Earth have devoted eons to make Earth women look cheesy and downright 'fashion-challenged' (which I use as a euphemism for 'lookin' like sh*t'), but I do greatly admire the mass hypnotic trances designers induce to make rich women buy garb a burbeldanth wouldn't wear on a bet. Eat for lunch, oh yeah, but then they would use one of those toothpick women to clean their seven rows of 300 teeth each.

It's a conspiracy I tells ya. As David Bowie sang on his Scary Monsters album:
There's a brand new dance but I don't know its name
That people from bad homes do again and again
It's big and it's bland full of tension and fear
They do it over there but we don't do it here

Fashion! turn to the left
Fashion! turn to the right
Oooh, fashion!
We are the goon squad and we're coming to town

Listen to me - don't listen to me
Talk to me - don't talk to me
Dance with me - don't dance with me, no

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