Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Still crazy after all these years, oh, still crazy after all these years…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 4:05 PM Permalink

…and in a private interchange the Vidiot pointed out that I handled my insanity, let me get this right, "Dude, at least you have a sense of humor about your insanity. A humorless insane person is just not any fun to be around."

And I realized she's right and that I'm done trying to appear sane and normal, which everyone knows is a certain sign of insanity.

It hasn't been too bad for a while, but the other night I awoke, lost in my own home and unable to find the bathroom. Fortunately my son, who looks strange and mysterious disguised as a lamp as he was, and I had a fifteen or twenty minute philosophical discussion on the merits of finding the bathroom and the consequences of not finding it at all.

His argument I found to be more compelling so, I set out on my adventure in the darkness since I was afraid it would hurt his nose to turn on the lamp. I climbed over the love seat, low, so as not to present a silhouette target, crawled forward in the direction of the bathroom and somehow found myself in the kitchen which I recognized immediately 'cause when my head rebounded of the refrigerator and hit the tile floor of the kitchen I knew were I was because the kitchen has really large tiles on the floor, not those tiny ones like in the bathroom.

I realized, however, when the stars stopped spinning and the birds stopped tweeting, that I knew where I was, so I promptly crawled into the garage and realized I was lost again. I fearlessly trekked (can someone fearlessly trek or is there some kind of protocol for that?) back across the kitchen, over the love seat, and promptly knocked the coffee table halfway across the living room using only my head. Quite a feat as we have one of those old and very heavy coffee tables from before the Ice Age.

When the birds stopped serenading me again I followed the edge of the coffee table, which, having been knocked askew by it's previous encounter with my head, no longer lead me right to the left to the bathroom, but straight into a fan I keep going to keep air circulating. I rested there for awhile, holding onto the fan, and then realized that when the fan pointed far left it pointed directly to the hallway and the bathroom door. I made it to the hallway, finally.

Then I realized I had taken an early turn and was standing in front of a shelf of DVDs (I have five of them) which was kind enough to point out the hallway, where I promptly entered the closet at the end of the hall. I started counting doors, being clever enough to know the bathroom would be the second door, got turned around and found myself talking to the fan in the living room, which was kind enough to gently blow me right to the bathroom door. Success!

I have lived one of those "wild and crazy guys" lifestyles, and my Warrior Woman and I have done things many would consider both insane and impossible in the fifteen years I hunted skips after I had pursued a military career and worked in every area of endeavor in the military I could, specializing in those jobs for which insanity was a prerequisite, and I have felt it slowly coming back to haunt me over the last few years.

Those words, "Dude, at least you have a sense of humor about your insanity. A humorless insane person is just not any fun to be around." mean a lot to me, and I will start posting again, on the wall or off, but at least posting again. My few readers already know I'm nuts anyway, so why not?

Ciao, Bill

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At 1:23 PM, Blogger The Vidiot said...

Dude, didn't even know you posted.

This is hilarious.

Frankly, I'm sure a lot of people can relate more than they care to admit... especially the ones who played the SOTUA drinking game:

Obama says "let me be clear"
Do one shot

Obama says "change isn't easy"
Do one shot

Obama says "make no mistake"
Do one shot

Obama says "Let me be clear, change isn't easy, make no mistake."
He's screwing with you to get you drunk, so five shots

Joe Wilson yells something
Do two shots

Obama yells back
Finish the bottle

Obama says "jobs"
Do one shot, two if you're unemployed

Obama says "health care"
Do not drink, you will not be given a replacement liver

Nancy Pelosi claps like a seal
Do one shot

Nancy Pelosi becomes a seal

Obama mentions Bo
Put beer in your dog's water bowl

Joe Biden nods-off/laughs inappropriately/starts talking before the speech is over
Do three shots

Obama uses the term "Congressional leadership" Do two shots carefully as all that laughing will make it difficult to swallow

At 2:01 PM, Blogger Bill Arnett said...

There is no drinking game that will bring about hallucinations than good ole government drugs (although years of non-stop, interminable pain should share the credit!).


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