Thursday, June 03, 2010

Having grown up in the "Age of Aquarius" I am both shocked and…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 1:12 PM Permalink

…disappointed that I am still capable of such vile hatred and disgust at the conduct of my fellow man.

For the longest period of my life I was just about as mellow and good-natured as anyone pursuing a life in law enforcement could be. It was much more satisfying to me to look a guy in the eye and tell him to go ahead and throw that punch or swing that bar stool, reminding him all the while of the many violations of the Uniform Code of Military Justice he was going to violate just to get his ass kicked anyway. More often than not even a guy that was dead drunk would realize the truth of my words and bring himself under enough control to forestall any violence and, consequently, stop me from doing him great harm with merely my ink pen. It's true: the pen is mightier than the sword.

If it didn't stop him, he not only got his ass whipped, but I would wield my pen so artfully that he would be lucky to not be discharged under "less than honorable" conditions, a death knell for future employment.

But there was no personal animus involved, I simply did my job to the very best of my ability, which was considerable at the time as I worked every unique section the Air Force had for a Security Policeman back in the early '70s and did so with distinction.

Even when I left the service and became a professional bounty hunter for fifteen years there was never any personal anger held against the skip I was chasing; mostly I was simply chasing a person that had broken two promises: 1- that he/she would make all their court appearances or, 2-pay off the bond if they did decide to run. Hell, if a guy brought in ten grand cash to pay off his bond I'd give him a ride to the airport. That is the only duty a bondsman has to a court, either produce the defendant or pay off the bond. There were exceptions, of course, as a child molester or rapist could NEVER buy his way out of trouble. Period.

Even when I was stricken with the two Agent Orange cancers I never felt hate towards the military or the life I had willfully chosen to lead, just as I know that if I had it to do all over again I wouldn't change a single thing, even the tiniest or least important-seeming decision, from fear that any change at all might prevent my meeting my Warrior Woman, the love of my love, the light that guides me, and she with whom I willingly and lovingly vowed to remain 'til death do us part.

So for the largest portion of my life I completely disavowed hatred, refused to allow myself to feel it, and conducted my life rather well in its absence.

Now I look back at the last couple of postings I made here at VidiotSpeak and I am shocked, appalled, and physically sickened by the words I have written expressing this most destructive emotion of all. Hatred.

Hatred for the people destroying my country, hatred for an unjust country of people in the Middle East that constitute the greatest threat to Middle East peace and all the inequities and evils of men who would destroy other men and countries just because they got a raw deal in WWII and now feel entitled to their hatred and the superiority to the thousands they kill and starve to death.

I was absent from these pages yesterday. I was absent because night before last I re-read my last two posts and felt so physically ill that I quite literally slept the entire day yesterday and all night, except for a brief moment of wakefulness to kiss my beloved good-bye for the day at 2 A.M., and then cuddled up with all my little Boston Terriers, who, as all dogs, have no notion nor need for hatred and that acts to ameliorate those feelings within me, and then returned to sleep.

I have damaged my psyche with all these feelings of hatred and, believe me, it was damaged enough as it was. I haven't been well for a very long time now and I realize I must stop this continual spiral into ever greater hatred as it serves me ill.

So I would just like to urge everyone, all of us, to remember that we are all trapped on this planet earth with companions we either love or, instead of hating, should feel dispassion towards those with whom we cannot agree or find any common ground whatever.

This is my opinion, of course, but it comes from a heart damaged by life, held together by those whom I love and whom love me, and I hope that everyone who reads this will realize what a grave mistake is hatred and stop to think what each of us can do to bring a little more love into our small section of Planet Earth.

Ciao, bella âmi.



At 7:02 PM, Blogger The Sailor said...

I'm with Bill... except I think he sometimes mistakes hate for anger.

Hate is a demolition of what you can be, anger can be a motivating force to be better than that you thought you could be.

But I agree with Bill, they are both debilitating. We are but a spark in the luminance of time and it offends me (there's the anger again) that so many people choose to extinguish others' sparks.

At 8:31 PM, Blogger The Vidiot said...

Hate v. anger.


well put.

At 2:05 PM, Blogger Bill Arnett said...

I long ago disclosed that my mind doesn't function well (within any meaning of that word 'well' whatever) but if, in my mind, I can no longer distinguish anger from hatred and, in fact, see constant empirical evidence that anger is hatred and vice versa (Arizona, politics, politicians, MSM, tea baggers, and on and on and on endlessly) have they not melded to become one and the same? I do not ask for nor expect ratification of my personal views. I simply state them.


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