Who knows what evil lies in the hearts of men?…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 3:36 PM Permalink

…the Teabagger Shadow of the Gop does!

In a daring stratagem the teabaggers have managed to get themselves elected in small numbers by the republican party, gop, conservative, religious right, mouth-breathing neocons, or whatever appellation they are using today in an attempt to "…cloud the minds of men…" vίs-a-vίs the Shadow, the alter-ego of Lamont Cranston, millionaire industrialist, who travels the world while the Shadow borrows his persona and makes use of the services of his loyal secretary Margo Lane to aid the Shadow in his efforts to stamp out the evil in men's minds.

I sense now…no…I am somehow telepathically connected to the Shadow as he reveals the secrets he has learned of the criminal cabal composed of the above-mentioned political parties now joined at the hip following last election.

The Shadow has agreed to meet with me at Pier 74 of the Long Beach Port, Long Beach, California, and speak freely with me as long as I don't reveal his secret identity, Lamont Cranston. I agreed. the interview follows:

Me: Mr. Crans-oop!-is it 'the' Shadow or just 'Shadow'?
He: Just 'Shadow will suffice, but if I may give you some advice, slip up on my name twice and the consequences will not be nice.
(I kept trying to search for his face, barely visible in the doom and gloom of this chosen meeting place, but alas, it was too dark for me to locate my own ass.)
Me: You claim that the teabaggers and the republicans are already going to split the sheets over earmarks republicans consider vile and indiscreet, but which the 'give-me-mine-and-do-it-now' teabaggers consider all too sweet.
He: This is true and very, very sad, the repercussions will be bad as the people, especially republicans, realize that they have been had. All this time the teabaggers could have been working with Democrats instead of pretending to be their harshest critics, worse even than Blue Dog Democrats voted out of office before they could even pull out the bloodsucking ticks of lobbyists and pull off any last bullshit tricks designed to ascribe blame for everything to the Democratic body politic.
Me: I'm not quite certain that is what I have seen, but oh yeah, the talk has always been meant to blaspheme. But why would the teabaggers vent their spleens against everything, just to be mean, then turn around with a new head of steam geared toward biting the hand that supported, nurtured, gave legitimacy to to their dream?
He: By using my power to cloud men's minds and my remarkable ability to manipulate my face muscles at will, I was able to penetrate their parties, and what I found there was enough to make even me scared, enough that my spine felt a certain chill. The teabagger-gop alliance was no alliance at all, it was simply an alignment of political heretics, a criminal cabal created, devised by the gop to see democrats fall; nothing but political dirty tricks to fool the electorate, to confuse them all, and now, 10 days after the election we can see in just what direction these teabagging frauds were led, the bullshit they were fed, and now we witness the true teabagger intentions to pass as many 'earmarks', legalized dividing of the spoils they neither earned nor deserve, showing, if nothing else, that they have a lot of damn gall and nerve to mislead even the party that helped them most and whom, if the teabaggers get their way, will someday be long forgotten ghosts.
Me: Wow. That really had not occurred to me. What do we do now?
He: Shadow is not the only amorphous entity observing politics today, the cowards running the plays, the good people who know not what to do, and the capable leaders shown the bottom of teabaggers' shoes. But it's ok, the pendulum always swings the other way, and there will be a better day, so shall it be as I say.
Me: But, wait, what happens when the pendulum does swing the other way? How will we know?
He: The politicians will be running for the hills as evermore corruption is uncovered. People may finally realize the import of the fact that the top 5% of taxpayers OWN more than the entire bottom 95% combined. They will recognize that it takes a corruption so complete, so sophisticated, so pure in its form, and older than time to amass fortunes so great and the fear and loathing of the people will eventually lead to reticence, demands for explanations, and demands that no representatives or senators advantage themselves to ever greater wealth while serving. People see public offices as a vehicle to get rich! City Councilmen paying themselves salaries of hundreds of thousands of dollars, concealed so well instead of raising a holler the taxpayers wind up living in squalor.
Me: But how can we fix this?
He, slowly vanishing into the gloom of dark: Don't ask me, kid. I just know what evil lurks in the hearts of men…
He, now totally invisible, voice echoing: G-o-o-d l-u-c-k, k-i-i-i-i-d!

I do get his point, politics is officially and strictly for the rich. Billion dollar presidential elections, million dollar gubernatorial races, hundreds of thousands, coming soon, to run for city dogcatcher. How can an ordinary citizen beat a system so stacked against them?

Poor people need not seek a place in politics since those very same poor people are being squeezed tighter and tighter, as in a vice, to bleed them dry so a rich man need not be forced to look upon their desiccated corpses carried away by the poor in his employ, whom can only be thankful that they have a job.

Ciao.

Labels: Conservatives, Creationists, elections, GOP, neocons, republican