Renaming and Restoring Credibility by Renaming and Restoring Credibly.

posted by Bill Arnett @ 11:44 AM Permalink

As noted by The Vidiot below, the bush/cheney maladministration has finally decided that the way for victory and a departure from Iraqi lands is renaming, reframing, and redefining the war, without a great deal of concern about that which has gone before. Or the truth.

I contacted my inside source of information from this maladministration, Bob Roberts at the CIA, and he requested anonymity as he is not authorized to speak for attribution. After careful consideration, as we do not believe in granting anonymity without a darn good reason, anonymity was granted and the following interview ensued.

ME: I am here at an undisclosed location to interview a confidential informant who, for the purposes of this interview, will be known and referred to only as "Bob," a totally made up and fictitious name with no connection to reality. So, Bob, what is the latest effort to recast the Iraqi War in a favorably light, and how does the maladministration contemplate effectuating it?

BOB: Well, there are several new plans in the works, but I think for your purposes here we really only need to recount the basics and allow your readers to decide as to their efficacy.

ME: And what new plans do you see coming down the pike?

BOB: The first program is called the Security Capable Renewable Energy Weapon to Effectuate Death, also know as S.C.R.E.W.E.D., and it calls for the development of hitherto unknown technologies to create a "nuclear smart bomb" that will only kill people we don't like and leave the infrastructure of the country intact. It is self-renewable and will keep going off over and over until all enemy leaders are killed.

ME: Damn, that sounds great! When will it be ready to go?

BOB: It's scheduled for completion right after they perfect the Bodily Loss of Urea and Excrement Drone, or B.L.U.E.D., which will cause enemy soldiers to compulsively wet their pants and soil themselves, destroying an enemy's capability of responding to raids by U.S. troops while they remain stuck in the latrine.

ME: Again, this sounds like an awesome weapon, but will it work?

BOB: As with all government programs under bush, unless this plan is ruled illegal by the courts and condemned by negative international opinion, he won't use it without claiming Executive privilege to screw the enemy anyway he can.

ME: So, what else is in the pipeline?

BOB: The last new system of which I am aware is the Total Armageddon To Own the Oil Everywhere Dammit, or T.A.T.O.O.E.D., which they consider to be the ultimate weapon within the administration.

ME: Just what do they expect to be the result of implementing all these new weapons systems?

BOB: Well, it's really pretty clear isn't it? No country can long withstand being S.C.R.E.W.E.D., B.L.U.E.D., and T.A.T.O.O.E.D. without succumbing to our superior forces.

ME: Thank you for your time today, Bob, I am sure much of the country will be greatly comforted by these new plans.

BOB: Good god I hope not!

ME: Thanks again.

Interview ended.

Labels: snark