The beauty of a day on the beach…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 11:01 AM Permalink

…is one thing we Americans have become accustomed to, sometimes driving hundreds or thousands of miles to get there.

Now, thanks to the bush maladministration the character of a day at the beach may change:

Excerpts:

The Bush administration is moving ahead with efforts to lease the waters off Virginia's coast to companies interested in drilling for oil and natural gas, despite calls from environmentalists that the plan should wait for the new president to take office.

In a statement Wednesday, the Minerals Management Service announced it would start a 45-day public comment period on whether acreage offshore should be leased for exploration and drilling.

Once the public comment period ends, federal authorities would begin an environmental review to determine whether a drilling lease can be executed in 2011.[…]

The administration's decision to move forward comes four months after President Bush lifted an executive ban on offshore drilling. In September, the Democratic-controlled House and Senate decided not to renew a separate, congressional moratorium on offshore drilling that had been in place for more than two decades.

This action is predicated on two flawed ideas: one, that we can drill enough oil to make a teeny, tiny dent in the amount of oil we import and, two, people bought into the bogus lies of republicans like John McCain that there had never been any oil leaks in the Gulf of Mexico, even during the many hurricanes blowing through and past the oil platforms so perfectly constructed that they do not leak.

These arguments have been so debunked that me debunking them again would be like flogging a dead republican, so I shall instead figure out how a day at the beach will go after the first, inevitable oil platform disaster releasing an ecological disaster on the east coast.

First of all, just imagine the "oil ball" fights in which the children may participate. Hours of fun for the whole family!

Secondly you could take turns trying to identifying the species of all the oil covered birds and the other wildlife you find. Educational!

Bring along some Dawn dishwashing detergent ( truly magnificent at removing oil, all joking aside) and take turns racing each other to see who can de-oil a migratory bird first. Competition! Ecological education!

The little children could have untold fun seeing who could walk the farthest out off the beach on the oil flow before breaking through. Suspense!

Start at a beach in Virginia and see if you can stay ahead of the oil caught up in the Gulf Stream and get to Miami before the beaches disappear under a mountain of sludge. Map reading! Navigational skills!

Leave all those SPF50 sunblocks at home and use thick tar oil instead. Sun Protection for good health! Lower skin cancer rates!

Have the kids stand on their surfboards to see which one gets carried away by the oil flow the farthest without falling. Athletics! Balance!

And for the obligatory barbecue, just light some of that crude on fire and roast away with the hot dogs. Nourishment! Chef's helper!

And be sure to bring home plenty of chunks and bucket loads of the slimy stuff for the neighbors. Souvenirs!

So, as can plainly be seen, there many advantages that would accrue to beach-going American's everywhere. Government in action!

Labels: humor, Oil, snark.