Prepare for the comeback of the century: It is well-known that Michael Jackson's brain…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 10:16 AM Permalink

…remains with the Los Angeles Coroner's Office. No one has really satisfactorily explained this. The truth can now be revealed.

I have it directly from a solid inside source requesting confidentiality because of her position as family hairdresser, a person not authorized to speak at all, much less to any entity that might post her comments, so I have agreed to keep Zelda anonymous and conceal her identity.

My confidential, anonymous, unknown to man or beast, person of mystery has reported that the family is in serious high level talks with the Japanese robot building company Ramen (not at all connected to the cup 'o soup makers as far as Zelda… uh… my confidential inside source could determine) to develop a robot capable of moonwalking, singing, hiding in seclusion, and able to hold children over the safety rails of balconies for the first possible brain transplant (Michael's into the computer, NOT vice versa).

The main problems so far have been to build a computer as erratic as Michael that will hold a coat of white pain and with a nose that must be glued on before each performance. No problems with drug addiction have been experienced as by happy circumstance all robots easily become addicted after the first dosing of narcotics.

My informant says that as soon as these minor difficulties are worked out there will be a worldwide tour showcasing the return of Michael.

You heard it here first, where we take the news seriously, don't take ourselves seriously, and with the hope that our audience appreciates reading about this here in VidiotSpeak first and exclusively!

Labels: Michael Jackson, snark.