COMING SOON TO A NEIGHBORHOOD NEAR YOU…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 4:32 PM Permalink

…BILL'S SCHOOL OF JELLYFISH TRAINING AND CARE!

Courses will include:

•Care, feeding, and teaching your jellyfish new tricks!

•Breeding your jellyfish for fun and profit!

*How to use your jellyfish to stop intruders or uninvited guest from using your swimming pool!

*Extracting the deadly venom from your jellyfish! and,

*32 interesting new uses for the world's most potent venom!

*How to resolve really nasty divorce cases using your new jellyfish!

*How to entice all your enemies to a pool party at your house!

•And much, much more!

Simply have your credit card in hand and call 1-800-JELLYFISH so you can get started right away with your first jellyfish for a mere six payments equal payment of $1,000 each, totaling $6,000.00! Shipping and handling cost is merely $1,275!

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE: Be among the first one thousand callers and receive an extra BOX JELLYFISH for FREE! Just pay the shipping charges of the nominal sum of $1,275.00!

BUT WAIT, THERE'S STILL MORE: With each jellyfish sold and those that are free for the first 1,000 callers, WE WILL SEND YOU AN ABSOLUTELY FREE 5,000 GALLON WATER TANK. All you pay is our low, low shipping charges as specified above! NOW WHAT WOULD YOU PAY?

BUT WAIT - THERE'S EVEN MORE! If you order the first jellyfish, pay the shipping and handling charges for the free box Jellyfish, and the 5,000 gallon tank, and we will throw in 5,000 gallons of seawater rich with plankton and small fish your jellies will love to eat absolutely free! Just pay the shipping and handling charges for ground shipment only, a meager $4,035!

So run, don't walk to the nearer telephone, be among the first i,000 callers to 1-800-JELLYFISH, and soon you'll be an accomplished jellyfish handler and trainer!

A SPECIAL THANKS to the Sailor for swapping the positions of this post and the one above to make it read more smoothly. I am sending him a free, yes, ABSOLUTELY FREE, Box Jellyfish for him to take sailing with him by way of thanks.

Labels: climate change, global warming, humor, Jellyfish, mickey rourke, satire