A New Hope…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 1:09 PM Permalink

From Yahoo News comes this encouraging article titled, "Iran leader suggests U.S. ties possible in future":

Iran's supreme leader suggested on Thursday that ties might one day be possible with the United States, the Islamic state's arch foe for almost three decades, although he said it would harm Iran to restore relations now.

"Not having relations with America is one of our main policies but we have never said this relationship should be cut forever," Ayatollah Ali Khamenei said in the central province of Yazd, state television reported.

"Certainly, the day when having relations with America is useful for the nation I will be the first one to approve this relationship."

At the end of this interview the Ayatollah agreed to speak off the record, not for attribution or re-telling in any form of communication known or unknown to man, so this is what he said:

"Obviously America has fallen on very difficult times and will require assistance for its people who are suffering under the despotic rule of their King Bush. Their government refuses to take sufficient and significant steps to decrease their consumption of oil, the housing market of America is collapsing, their financial institutions could also be on the verge of collapse - unless the Chinese agree to finish buying Wall Street - and their stock market goes up and down faster than my child's yo-yo. Inflation is very high, employment is very low, wages have fallen dramatically below what the average American family needs to survive without having two, three, or sometimes four or more family members working. The education provided their children qualifies them only for menial tasks. Having a friend such as Iran could be of great benefit.

We, by the grace of Allah, have large reserves of oil and could employ vast numbers of Americans to extract and refine the oil for us. We also have very ambitious plans to build many nuclear power plants for peaceful purposes and could employ many more Americans. And best of all, for all the families that would accompany these foreign workers we have many jobs available in the housekeeping and food service industries, and I envision Americans taking the jobs that Iranians don't want to do. You know, cleaning the palaces, sweeping the streets, washing all our dusty windows, pushing delivery carts, and stocking store shelves. It will be difficult to stop illegal immigration from America when they are so desperate for work that they will work for camel dung, but we already have plans for a 'virtual fence' surrounding our borders to help slow their entry. We will also make it illegal for illegal immigrants to apply for work papers, medical help, driver's licenses, or any other benefits of legal immigration.

I look forward to helping the Americans as soon as they yield to our demand that they learn to spell and properly pronounce the name 'Ahmadinejad,' which is, after all, the very first question on the application to immigrate here. We have much good to look forward to as soon as America submits to our demands so we can begin diplomatic negotiations.

What a reasonable guy. I just can't imagine why bush wants to nuke such an excellent source of future employment.

Labels: Bush, Iran, snark