The Vatican has Declared War on Americans…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 2:20 PM Permalink

…from the washingtonpost.com:

But culturally and financially, Americans loom super-sized. For those reasons and others, Benedict experts say he views the United States as an essential battleground in what he considers the war of today's era: proving that modernity doesn't have to stamp out religious faith.

This opens yet another front of war that the U.S. can ill-afford.

I contacted one of my super secret sources, Susie Willbegood, a stenographer in the White House stenographers pool at CNN, who requested anonymity because she was busy posing nude for the now famous cheney "Nude Woman Reflected in Cheney's Sunglasses" photo shoot, and not able to reveal her identity for obvious reasons. A reasonable stance with which I agreed, so she hereafter will be referred to as, "…a senior administration source."

Anyway, a senior administration source reports that this is the war that bush/cheney feared the most. "Our military forces are already stretched to the breaking point, and it is well known that the Pope has vast resources already on hand to fight this war," she said. She continued, "Even bush and cheney are envious of the Pope having an entire 'Vatican City' and the fact that the Pope wears gold brocaded robes, dines off golden plates, drinks from silver chalices, and has an art collection of unknown value, but suspected to be worth trillions of dollars. Both leaders are really envious of the Pope's pointy hats. Additionally, it appears that this war has been under way for almost two hundred years as Americans, totally unaware of past Pope's true intent, naively allowed the purchase of valuable forward operating bases called 'church's' and further allowed the staffing of them with hundreds of thousands of field generals with the code name 'priest' that have been propagandizing their efforts in what they disingenuously refer to as 'sermons.'

The cleverness of this surreptitious entry into America, unsuspectingly allowing the priests to recruit disgruntled Americans at Sunday 'sermons' where they have financed their efforts with 'tithes,' and the genius of requiring their 'followers,' or 'parishioners' whom we now recognize as potential recruits for the Pope, to 'confess their sins' and admit wrongdoing has provided so much blackmail material even the experts at the Pentagon and NSA wish they had thought of it first."

In our currently weakened state, the 'Vatican's' extreme wealth, and the oh-so-clever invasion of America leaves the outcome of this new war in severe doubt. It is well known that the 'Catholics,' as they refer to themselves, have penetrated our military from top to bottom, and there is significant doubt that our troops will open fire on the religious zealots pursuing this engagement of forces, and the thought of the Pope triumphantly riding down Fifth Avenue in his armored 'Popemobile' is an image that strikes terror in the hearts of mortal men.

"Although they are overjoyed to be engaging in another 'Holy War' the administration is not at all confident that we will have the soldiers, needed equipment, a sufficient number of trained and loyal troops, and the will to take on such a formidable foe," reports my source.

Thank you for the info Susie…uh, senior administration source.

Labels: Bush, cheney, Churches, conspiracy, disinformation, doom, foreign policy, humor, propaganda, Religion, snark