Other things you should be worrying about…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 10:18 AM Permalink

…along with now ex-Vice President cheney (Gosh that has a nice ring to it!).

cheney is all over the news today saying President Obama will be making a grave error by closing Gitmo, as future attacks will be much more severe, possibly including nuclear, biological, or chemical attacks.

I'm certain that just the fact Gitmos exists will alone be sufficient to prevent all these types of attacks and the resulting carnage that would strongly resemble the devastation left behind by the bush/cheney maladministration.

It did make me start thinking about the possibility there are other types of attacks cheney has not yet thought of and the resulting damage:

1. A lone satellite could crash into one of our notoriously deficient silos and cause the detonation of one of our missiles.
2. The incompetent missile silo crews that failed their last disastrous inspections, many totally asleep throughout the exercise, could get carried away betting on poker and accidentally detonate a nuke themselves (I'll see your New York and rasise you by Los Angeles).
3. The next time six cruise missiles are sent on an unannounced tour of the American midwest one missile could accidentally fall off into a blue state, causing great mischief and inspiring gales of laughter as cheney and pals reminisced about it.
4. The Evil Ones are breeding a herd of blue giant mutant mice that eat people with minimal infrastructure damage, of which we already enough, and that can only be controlled by a special radio concealed in an unknown location which cheney has already stocked with ducks, geese, pheasant and the faces of fellow hunters he has shot off.
5. Weaponized sea snakes could at this moment be circling Florida as a prelude to an attack on Gitmo (What can I say? Florida drew the short straw).
6. Radio controlled vampire bats called Bat Predators, are hiding in cave and hollowed out trees all over America just waitining for the attack. The only drawback here is miniaturizing Hellfire missiles.
7. Lynn Cheney might start hitting the news rounds, presaging an attack.
8. Our government might stop inspecting toys completely, engaging in chemical warfare with hugh and unsafe amounts of lead in our future toys, leaving America a pack of blithering idiots (like cheney?) drooling and scavenging for bits and scraps of melamine-tainted, nutritionally deficit food.

This is just a small sampling of what our country faces, unless the Chinese just forecloses on America and evicts us all.

I could be just as right as cheney, y'know.

Labels: cheney, cheney secrecy, corruption, disinformation, GOP, propaganda, snark