Tuesday, July 13, 2010


posted by Bill Arnett @ 3:42 PM Permalink

DATELINE: Somewhere along the southern edge of Gulf of Mexico…

…The Vidiot’s Trade Delegation, representing the newly formed government of the Gulf States of America, succeeded today in their effort to rendezvous with the Mexican and Cuban Trade Delegations, but the negotiations almost broke down completely before they even began.

Presidents Calderon and Castro, expecting formal formalities felt insulted after formally presenting the Vidiot’s Delegation with gifts, souvenirs, and other formal stuff and not receiving formal gifts from the Vidiot’s Delegation in return. It was only the quick thinking of the Vidiot that resolved this gaffe.

Dr Vidiot kept the other delegates amused by demonstrations of voodoo he had learned as a child growing up in Louisiana. He demonstrated how to make and use voodoo dolls, making effigies of george bush and dick cheney as examples. There seemed to be no end to the amusements of the two presidents as each made dolls of their adversaries and began sticking pins into places on the doll that common decency prevents me from describing in detail.

Meanwhile the Vidiot was busy with her crew unloading a couple of Land Rovers and ingeniously placing an impromptu bow she made on the spot onto the hoods of each vehicle.

During the unloading of the vehicles the Vidiot discovered a large bale of the hybrid grass discovered the day before. She quickly ordered two of the best and fastest spliff rollers to roll enough grass that would easily fill three or four cigar boxes. They accomplished this task with great dexterity (she later learned that the twin brothers on the staff could both roll a joint with one hand while riding horseback in gale force winds, something the Vidiot had never seen or heard of previously) and while they did this she emptied some large tin containers in which food had been placed to keep it fresh.

She filled two tins with the rolled grass and placed them one each on the passenger seats of the Land Rovers instructing the twins in her crew to drive the vehicles to where the delegates were meeting with one vehicle blaring the Mexican national anthem, the other blaring the Cuban national anthem (actually no one knew the Cuban national anthem so she had them put in a Gloria Estefan CD and blast that).

Apparently no one noticed this as both the Mexican Delegation and the Cuban Delegation seemed pleased with the gifts and, upon opening and sampling the tins of the newly discovered hybrid grass, everyone was once again back into a jovial and cordial mood.

They all were, however, much too stoned to continue formal diplomacy and were seen and heard partying well into the night.

Negotiations will commence tomorrow and I, your faithful reporter, will faithfully report any new developments.

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