Thursday, February 24, 2011

Rolling Stone reveals Jedi mind tricks being used to finance Afghanistan War…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 2:12 PM Permalink

…and has even gone to the extent of naming names, such as Sen. John McCain (need I say more?), Sen. Joe Lieberman (cain't keep an old, well slavered, warhorse like Smokin' Joe from smokin' 'em up on his submarine port), Sen. Jack Reed (some people just need to retire), Rep. Steve Israel (they take 'em young and dumb, too), Sen. Carl Levin and Admiral Mike Mullen (there's that need to retire thing again), and, last on my list and the only dubious candidate, Sen. Al Franken, the only man in the Senate to have watched all six Star Wars flicks and way too smart to fall for an old Jedi mind trick.

I watched Senator Franken (on a speeded-up tape probably two-three minutes long of a much longer event) where, while joking with and responding to the comments of those close to him, he drew a complete map of the United States of America from memory (I actually frantically dug out a map of the U.S. for comparison. 'Twas perfect as hand drawn can be); one of the single-most amazing thing I ever saw and I would bet hard money that no other member of the legislative, judicial, or executive branches of government could duplicate.

I can just see military men in camouflaged ponchos darting from one potted plant to another calling gently, "Joe Lieber-m-a-n-n-n…(slowly trailing off into what sounds like the hiss of a snake).

Sen Lieberman would turn toward the potted plant and kneel in deference, though he would seem to be tying is shoes, and say, "Command me, my Dark Master, bend my mind, my will, my body in any way that you desire…"

"There will be a committee meeting today discussing reducing the funding of our sacred, holy war against simple Afghani people that will impact severely on the heroin trade there."

"What do you desire, my Dark Master, and where did you get that camouflaged poncho? That's slammin', my Master."

"I'll order you one, now shut up and listen, you will do whatever it takes to sustain our funding level…remember, grasshopper, there is no fun without funding, so take one for the team, even if you must abandon the democratic party…do you understand?"

"Yes, my mother…uh…Master, yeah, that's it, my Dark Master, I shall obey gladly."

"Great! Now when you stand up from worsh - tying your shoe grab Admiral Mike Mullen and send him to tie his boots here so we can chat long."

"As you command, my Dark Master." Lieberman turns, sees Mullen coming down the hall, and congenially calls him over.

"Well, hey, Joe, what can I do for you," asked the Admiral.

Joe walked over, grabbed Mullen's "package", squeezing it twice, causing the Admiral's eyes to glaze over and his posture to become relaxed. Then Joe told him, "It's your turn at the potted plants, Mike…make it so."

The Admiral slowly replied, as if in a trance, "Yes, Joe, I will go to the plant to tie my boots and I will listen and follow all orders from our Dark Master."

Joe, eyes still glazed gives a simple wave of his hand as the Admiral knelt in supplication to the plant with the soldier in a completely camouflaged poncho.

And you wondered how we finance our wars.

Ciao, bella ámi.

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