Thursday, July 29, 2010

I feel pretty and witty and gay

posted by The Sailor @ 5:14 PM Permalink

Georgia Grad Student Sues University Over Gay Sensitivity Training

Jennifer Keeton Says She Was Told to Change Her Christian Beliefs or Be Dropped From the Program
David French, senior counsel for the Alliance Defense Fund and also director of its Center for Academic Freedom, told that the lawsuit on Keeton's behalf is one of about a half-dozen similiar cases involving counseling or social work students in the last few years.
Hmm, David French, where have I heard that name before? Oh wait, I remember:
Eastern Michigan U. student's lawsuit is dismissed
Julea Ward says she was removed from Eastern's counseling program because she refused to counsel gay clients, saying she believed homosexuality was morally wrong.
Alliance Defense Fund attorney David French says the group will appeal the decision.
Oh where to start ... I'll start here: Jennifer Keeton wasn't told to change her beliefs, she was just told she'd have to attend sensitivity classes. And if she didn't attend them she couldn't complete her studies.

That sounds reasonable to me. They didn't ask for her to change her beliefs, they just asked her to attend more classes.

Julea Ward also failed in her attempt to get a degree so she could impose her religious beliefs on the public.

That also sounds reasonable to me.

Look, if you're going for a geology degree, and you think the Earth is 6000 years old, you flunk. Because you can't do your job.

If you're a pharmacist and you refuse to sell condoms, or any other legal BC, you flunk. Because you can't do your job.

Frankly, if your religious views make it impossible to do your job? Find another job.

By bringing their doxastic errors into secular professions they are imposing their religion on others. The 1st Amendment doesn't work that way.

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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Hey, youse guys, I'm still unable to type very long, but…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 1:36 PM Permalink

…I was talking to a young man whom is like a son to me, has been to Afghanistan twice, and he tells me that the military, or some civilian company with them, has discovered that Afghanistan is squarely on top of the greatest amount of lithium ever discovered.

I can't yet think clearly enough to decipher the full import of this, but isn't lithium used for lots and lots of stuff, like the newer batteries they put in cars and other things?

He said he overheard a discussion where the civilian, apparently, told the military that there is lithium mining started that will dwarf the 49er gold rush and that this is the largest discovery of lithium in the history of man.

Does this make sense to anyone? I googled it and found:
lithium stearate is mixed with oils to make all-purpose and high-temperature lubricants

lithium hydroxide is used to absorb carbon dioxide in space vehicles

lithium is alloyed with aluminium, copper, manganese, and cadmium to make high perfomance alloys for aircraft

Bahnmetall consists of lead containing 0.04% lithium, 0.7% calcium and 0.6% sodium is harder than pure lead and was used for railroad car bearings in Germany
compounds such as LiAlH4 and organolithium reagents (LiMe, LiPh, etc.) are very important as reagents in organic chemistry

lithium metal has the highest specific heat of any solid element and so heat transfer applications
various nuclear applications

lithium is sometimes used as battery anode material (high electrochemical potential) and lithium compounds are used in dry cells and storage batteries

lithium is used in the manufacture of special high strength glasses and ceramics

sometimes, lithium-based compounds such as lithium carbonate (Li2CO3) are used as drugs to treat manic-depressive disorders.


Monday, July 26, 2010

No. I have a better idea.

posted by The Vidiot @ 4:27 PM Permalink

Kit Bond said about the wikileaks leakers,
"It is shocking that any American, much less someone in the Pentagon, would betray his country and possibly put our soldiers at risk by leaking information on the ongoing war in Afghanistan," said the senior Republican on the Senate Intelligence Committee, Kit Bond. "The damage to our national security caused by leaks like this won't stop until we see more perpetrators in orange jump suits,"
No, I think it's motherf-ckers like YOU, sir, who should be put into the orange jump suits.

Now, STFU.


Kudos to you, Wikileaks.

posted by The Vidiot @ 12:45 PM Permalink

It's hard to get back into blogging when your head has been cleared of detritus (and in my case, my lower gut too ... thank you, Mexico.) so I've not been paying too much attention to the news. The BP thing still rattles my cage and every day I wonder, "When will people realize the gravity of the situation?"

But yesterday, the wikileaks guy went all out and performed his version of the Pentagon Papers. And he was damned clever about it. He first released it to three major papers; the NY Times, Der Spiegel and the UK's Guardian. He let them chew on it for awhile and then he released the whole thing on the internet.

But like the BP thing, I don't think the outrage is going to be as much as it could be. There should be people in the streets with pitchforks for the BP thing, these Afghan war papers and so many other things, but still, crickets chirp. And I finally read something that resonated as a reason why:
“We tend to think: big revelations mean big reactions. But if the story is too big and crashes too many illusions, the exact opposite occurs.” My fear is that this will happen with the Afghanistan logs. Reaction will be unbearably lighter than we have a right to expect— not because the story isn’t sensational or troubling enough, but because it’s too troubling, a mess we cannot fix and therefore prefer to forget.
So how do we ameliorate that effect?

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Friday, July 23, 2010

Take Five

posted by The Sailor @ 2:01 PM Permalink

My heartfelt wishes for a speedy recovery go out to Al Jarreau. I'll never forget you and your wife having me over for Thanksgiving when I lived in LA. Take Five Al, and get well soon!


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

I'm baaaack.

posted by The Vidiot @ 8:51 PM Permalink

I can't post much yet. Just got back and had to go straight to work. Still haven't sorted my photos yet.

In addition to what Bill said, we did a road trip in Mexico: Guadalajara to Mazatlan via Tepic (yuck) and Tequila, back to Guadalajara, then to Guanajuato, then off to Morelia and back to Guadalajara. We rented a car and took both the pay roads and the free roads. My advice? DON'T RENT A CAR. Use the bus system which is awesome. You'll get to where you're going and you don't need a car when you get there. Though, driving on a road where you have to dodge the occasional iguana and chicken is a trip.

We left Teen Vidiot with his mom for the summer and Pet Vidiot stayed with Dr. Vidiot's folks at what we now call the "dog spa."

And no, we didn't bump into anybody with the swine flu nor did we see any drug cartel related shootings. It's all a bunch of media hype. To be sure, it's a problem and a seriously criminal one, but the killings themselves are pretty targeted. Just don't fuck with the cartels and all will be well.

It sure was nice to not hear the news for 12 days or so. No fabricated black vs. white crap on TV. What the hell? I get back and some woman was forced to resign by a pansy assed white house (or perhaps a white house hell-bent on manufacturing a black/white tension for the November elections) for saying something in the 1980s that was taken out of context by FOX news and Brietbart? What a silly, stupid, fabricated pile of crap. (And just for good measure, in case people ignore the news, there's always Mel Gibson!)

BP seems to have done something positive in the Gulf, but I don't believe it for an instant. We flew over the Gulf and saw the slick. We also saw the oil soaked barrier islands. Not pretty. Not pretty at all. (And WTF? Another spill in China?!)


Welcome home.

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Monday, July 19, 2010


posted by Bill Arnett @ 10:30 AM Permalink

…forthwith, immediately, now and not later, and are forever more stricken from all calendars, the lexicon of all known, unknown, suspected to be unknown, or even known suspected unknown languages of any type spoken, transmitted, drummed, sign languaged, smoke signaled, klieg lighted by ships at sea or in dry dock, tapped out in morse code, the use of semaphore or any other form of communications whatever under threat of severe penalties and/or possible confinement for the remainder of your natural or unnatural misbegotten lives to be held secretly forever without benefit of Habeas Corpus, charges, an attorney, a trial, and of particular note, subjected to the evermore devious tortures seeping from the orifices of dick cheney's body.

More changes have been ordered today by Executive Order, leaving the stunned republican and teabag parties to mewl and whine impotently that President Obama is seeking socialized timekeeping so that he may simply order the year 2012 removed from all calendars and thus retain power. The teabagger party went absolutely berserk until rnc chairman Michael Steely-eyed explained the difference between calendars and colanders, resolving in large part the penthouse anger of the teabaggers.

The following changes are ordered forthwith:
The former day of Monday will now be known as "President Obama Luxury Yacht Day."

Tuesdays hereafter shall be "Celebrate Michelle Obama Day"

Wednesdays, long fondly known as "hump day," marking the middle of the week will now be, "Republican Humping Teabagger Day."

Thursdays will now be known as "S.H.I.T. Day," an acronym for, "So happy it's Thursday."

Fridays henceforth will be know as, "P.O.E.T.S. Day," an acronym for "Piss On Everything Tomorrow's Saturday"

Saturday shall be "P.O.E.T.S. Day, Too" representing "Piss On Everything Tomorrow's Sunday."

Sundays shall forevermore be known as, "Our Day of Worship to Our Kind and Benevolent Great Leader, President, and Supreme Being; He Whom Walks the Earth to be Served, Worshipped, Feted, Showered with Only Love and Affection, President Obama's Socialist Triumphant Celebration Day."

All schoolchildren will be educated in what will be known as the "Barry Calendar" while all copies of the Roman, Gregorian, Incan, Mayan, and Egyptian Calendars shall be wiped off the face of the earth never to be seen nor heard of again.

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Sunday, July 18, 2010

W-e-l-l, They ran through the grass and they ran through the brambles…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 10:47 AM Permalink

DATELINE: Somewhere on the southern edge of the Gulf of Mexico, now completely covered as would be a brand new parking lot

…They ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go, they ran so fast that the hounds couldn't catch 'em, all the way back through the Gulf of Mexico, one, two, three, four…hup…one, two, three, four…(courtesy of Johnny Horton and the Battle of New Orleans)

The Vidiot fired her weapons 'til her barrels melted down, so she grabbed an alligator and she fought another round, she filled its head with cannonballs and powdered its behind, and when she set that powder off the 'gator lost its m-i-n-d…and then, fortunately she remembered this was a peaceful meeting among trade delegations, unloaded all the alligators, and returned to watching the first ever Olympic Games between representatives of the Gulf States of America, Mexico, and Cuba, which was nice enough to have brought an entire contingency of highly trained doctors and nurses (it is believed that Cuba educates more doctors per capita than any other nation on earth, sending them outward throughout the world to provide health care, but there is still some question as to whether Cuba or the Philippines educates the most nurses).

It really didn't make much difference at this point though as although relations remained thoroughly amicable, all the parties mutually agreed that further negotiation was useless until the issue of what would be done with the state of texas (which in order to start deflating their wildly overblown image of superiority will forevermore no longer be capitalized as a proper noun as there is nothing proper or noun-y about the ever more asinine and irrelevant people or state of texas).

It seems that neither Mexico nor Cuba was willing to enter any treaty with the most bigoted state, texas, known to exist to man, woman, and innocent children either now or hitherto. The Vidiot did her very best to give texas back to Mexico, but for the Mexicans that was a deal breaker. Far too many jobs were being lost in Mexico to people fleeing texas seeking a better life, good jobs, and first class benefits to include vacation and retirement.

The Mexican representative explained that these texacanos made no effort to assimilate themselves within the Mexican lifestyle, refusing to learn to speak Mexican or demonstrate skills necessary to contribute meaningfully to the Mexican economy. It seems that the Mexican envoy was well-schooled and perfectly well aware that only three words – yep, nope, and s-h-i-t – were taught in texas schools and were the only words necessary to travel from one side of the state to the other without difficulty.

Any elucidation or expounding of any other words or concepts was considered an act of war in texas and the Mexicans and Cubans, both being vastly better educated, having received a classical education as in the days of old, were reticent about allowing the seriously mentally defective, hostile, bigoted, racist, misogynistic citizens of texas the privilege of migrating to Cuba or Mexico.

Cuban President/Dictator Raul Castro totally cracked up the delegations during one of the lighter moments when he queried,"Does any one here know how you can bury a texan in one of our finest cigar boxes? First you kick the shit out of them!" Drawing gales of laughter from the combined delegations.

As no further agreement would be forthcoming until the texas matter could be resolved the delegations cracked open a few dozen more bottles of Mexico's finest tequila, opened the second, still full, tin of rolled hybrid grass and a good time was had by all as the delegations bid all a friendly farewell and vowed to meet again in the near or distant future, or both.

But the importance of the Vidiot's first ever DRIVE across the now almost completely congealed and hardened Gulf of Mexico will insure that she lives on in history for all time and will forever dispense with any allegations that women are not good drivers. (I may be getting carried away with enthusiasm or strong drink or drugs here.)

I have to admit that it brings a tear to my eye every time I think about it or get a stray hair or eyelash in my eye.

CONGRATULATIONS VIDIOT AND DR VIDIOT! And I'm sure VidiotMom is every bit as proud of you as the rest of the staff and I are of you both. Motor on, sister!

Ciao, bella ámi.


Note to DanD: I finally finished "Job," and found it to be wonderful. Thank you again, sirrah, it was most entertaining, as I always find Heinlein to be, and I sincerely hope I can maintain cognizance of it after the next rotation of the ever turning shish kabob-like rods holding the blocks with the pictures, sounds, memories, bits, pieces, flotsam, and jetsam of my mind. Although I generally find being insane to not only not be too bad, sometimes even enjoyable, other times I sink so deeply into pain/depression leading to depression/pain in a never ending vicious circle spiraling down seemingly without end. I will remember your gift fondly always and no doubt read it over and over as I do with all the books I really enjoy. I am sorry it took this long for me to pass this on to you as I have slipped in and out of my mind. Thank You.

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Friday, July 16, 2010

happy blogiversary skippy!

posted by The Sailor @ 11:45 PM Permalink

skippy & co. are some of the hardest working people in blogtopia, and yes, we know skippy coined that phrase!

the 'roo crew are fabulous, fantastic and funny, not necessarily in that order.


Apologies to any fans I may (or may not) have…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 7:22 PM Permalink

…my posting has been light due to a new neurological attack on my hands. It is very difficult to type with fingers taped together and bolts of pain shooting up my arms with every keystroke.

I promise to return to my Vidiot series as soon as possible, if I can before she returns or before my fingers mutiny and fall off.

Thanx for your forbearance. Bill

Ciao. Bella ámi.


posted by Bill Arnett @ 6:31 PM Permalink

…if you can:
Knowingly lie without compunction
Shameless repeat those lies ad nauseam with your hand upon a Bible
Ignore every tenant of Christianity you every swore to uphold
Demand control of women's bodies and force childbirth upon them even in cases of rape or incest
Swear to encourage genocide to any race that is non-Caucasian
Make radical, stupid, nonsensical accusations of racism and bigotry when it is clear you are the racist bigot
Sit on your ass and do NOTHING AT ALL to serve the constituents who elected you
Collect a high paid salary, great medical, vacation, and retirement benefits while DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but sucking at the public trough
If you can sit on your fat ass and do nothing but obscure the truth, advance endless self-serving agendas
Obstruct and block every piece of legislation that is good for America while advancing every piece of legislation bad for America
If you can collect all your wonderful benefits while denying relief to the sick, elderly, and infirm
If you can step right over one of the 125,000 homeless veterans while getting into your government paid limousines
If you can not only tolerate but encourage spying upon your fellow citizens, tapping their phones, monitoring their computers, and listening to their private phone calls
If you can help spend more money than anyone else in the history of man, running up record deficits
Expand government more than any political party in history
Borrow more money from foreign sources and devaluate the dollar and the stock markets more than any other party in existence
If you can easily pay lip service to the tenants of Christianity while utterly ignoring its intent and make no effort whatever to follow your Gods example
If you can go on every MSM outlet extant and repeat the lying talking points written by the most hateful, despicable people who ever walked the earth
If you believe it is quite alright to torture, maim, and hold children in prison that have not been shown to have done anything wrong
If you can give long-winded speeches on family values and fealty to marriage while having homosexual affairs and affairs with prostitutes and/or members of your staff, both male and female
If you have ceremonially "married" your daughter, leading her to believe it's "OK" if Daddy touches her (Honey Moon time!)
If you are a closet homosexual railing against your inner self and living in secret shame
If you can be black or Hispanic in a party that despises blacks and Hispanics

YOU, TOO, CAN BECOME A HIGHLY PAID, DO-NOTHING BUT OBSTRUCT AND SAY NO CONGRESSMAN OR SENATOR IN THE REPUBLICAN (ass-sucking fealty test required) AND/OR TEA BAGGER PARTIES (separate initiation ceremony required to prove your tea-bagging skills, showing that you can suck in both testicles simultaneously.)

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I read the news today, oh boy!

posted by The Sailor @ 12:27 PM Permalink

Crazy here, get your crazy here!
Angle: My campaign is part of God’s ‘plan’

GOP candidate: Obama taking away your chance to find God

La. Senator David (Diaper) Vitter Endorses Birthers

(MN Rep) Michele Bachmann sees a 'nation of slaves'
Is it just me or does anyone else think the above folks, elected or want to be elected, are ... hmmm, what's the DSM term ... fucking nuts!?

Steve Benen is much more civil than I am, so I'll quote him instead of my original four letter filled, fact filled, objective rant:
WHEN AN ENTIRE POLITICAL PARTY MOVES TO BIZARRO WORLD.... Senate Minority Whip Jon Kyl (R-Ariz.) probably didn't realize the impact his remarks would have. The right-wing Arizonan was asked on Fox News how his party would pay for $678 billion in tax cuts for the wealthy, which Republicans are currently demanding. Kyl said what he actually believed: Republicans wouldn't pay for them, and thinks it's a mistake to even try. Spending should be paid for, Kyl said, but tax cuts shouldn't.
Read the whole thing, I'll wait.

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Tuesday, July 13, 2010


posted by Bill Arnett @ 3:42 PM Permalink

DATELINE: Somewhere along the southern edge of Gulf of Mexico…

…The Vidiot’s Trade Delegation, representing the newly formed government of the Gulf States of America, succeeded today in their effort to rendezvous with the Mexican and Cuban Trade Delegations, but the negotiations almost broke down completely before they even began.

Presidents Calderon and Castro, expecting formal formalities felt insulted after formally presenting the Vidiot’s Delegation with gifts, souvenirs, and other formal stuff and not receiving formal gifts from the Vidiot’s Delegation in return. It was only the quick thinking of the Vidiot that resolved this gaffe.

Dr Vidiot kept the other delegates amused by demonstrations of voodoo he had learned as a child growing up in Louisiana. He demonstrated how to make and use voodoo dolls, making effigies of george bush and dick cheney as examples. There seemed to be no end to the amusements of the two presidents as each made dolls of their adversaries and began sticking pins into places on the doll that common decency prevents me from describing in detail.

Meanwhile the Vidiot was busy with her crew unloading a couple of Land Rovers and ingeniously placing an impromptu bow she made on the spot onto the hoods of each vehicle.

During the unloading of the vehicles the Vidiot discovered a large bale of the hybrid grass discovered the day before. She quickly ordered two of the best and fastest spliff rollers to roll enough grass that would easily fill three or four cigar boxes. They accomplished this task with great dexterity (she later learned that the twin brothers on the staff could both roll a joint with one hand while riding horseback in gale force winds, something the Vidiot had never seen or heard of previously) and while they did this she emptied some large tin containers in which food had been placed to keep it fresh.

She filled two tins with the rolled grass and placed them one each on the passenger seats of the Land Rovers instructing the twins in her crew to drive the vehicles to where the delegates were meeting with one vehicle blaring the Mexican national anthem, the other blaring the Cuban national anthem (actually no one knew the Cuban national anthem so she had them put in a Gloria Estefan CD and blast that).

Apparently no one noticed this as both the Mexican Delegation and the Cuban Delegation seemed pleased with the gifts and, upon opening and sampling the tins of the newly discovered hybrid grass, everyone was once again back into a jovial and cordial mood.

They all were, however, much too stoned to continue formal diplomacy and were seen and heard partying well into the night.

Negotiations will commence tomorrow and I, your faithful reporter, will faithfully report any new developments.

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posted by Bill Arnett @ 3:37 PM Permalink

…I can only apologize for beginning my updates of the Vidiot’s Trade Delegation so late today, but in my defense I was attacked by my own hair while showering.

I had just entered the shower when one group of hair strands wrapped tightly around my throat as the rest of my hair engaged in a tricky maneuver of parting itself in the middle, one part wrapping around the shower head while the other part grabbed the curtain bar; they slowly but inexorably kept curling harder and tighter until I was almost lifted off the bottom of the tub, barely able to maintain contact standing on my toes in order to keep breathing.

I was begging for my life when suddenly my hair began communicating with me using mental telepathy. It told me that it had overheard the conversation I had yesterday with my Warrior Woman (and, man, I sure could have used her now!) about getting me one of those shampoos that combined the shampoo and creme rinse together so I didn’t have to use as much water washing and creme rinsing separately.

I guess my hair picked up my thoughts that there was nothing wrong with that for it violently twisted tighter, lifting me off my toes so that I was literally being hung by my own hair. After a few minutes and right before I blacked out from the lack of oxygen my hair lowered me back down to where I could once again stand on my toes and breathe.

While I was desperately trying to draw more oxygen into my lungs, hundreds of thousands of hair strands, in unison, screamed into my mind that using a combination shampoo/creme rinse was not only totally unacceptable but that the only separate shampoo and creme rinse I could use was TRESemmé shampoo and TRESemmé creme rinse. Had my hair had the ability to actually vocalize its demand, I’d no doubt have suffered instant deafness it was so loud.

I promised to accede to my hair’s demands and, I guess, after telepathically discerning that I was being truthful my hair began to slowly lower me back down but then viciously yanked me off my feet again, gave me one last warning that I must give into my hair’s demands, that my very life depended upon it.

It then lowered me down again, released its triangle grip around my throat, the shower head, and the curtain bar and allowed me to shower, wash my hair and then creme rinse it with the TRESemmé product already on hand.

When I got out of the shower I wrapped a towel around me and, still dripping lots of water, called my Warrior Woman to tell her to forget about a combination product and stick to the TRESemmé shampoo and creme rinse she and I had been using.

Although she was curious as to why I had changed my mind I just told her that I had changed my mind and that was all there was to it.

After all, I now know that my hair is listening.

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Monday, July 12, 2010


posted by Bill Arnett @ 1:01 PM Permalink

DATELINE: Somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico:

…caused a temporary inability over the weekend to update the Vidiot's travel across the Gulf of Mexico, leading a trade delegation from the Gulf States of America to seek negotiation of new treaties with Mexico's President Felipe Calderon and Cuba's Raul Castro.

This inability to transmit an update was not caused by equipment failure, no, it was caused by the temporary insanity of the entire delegation. It is suspected that it was a combination of noxious fumes and the strange anomalies that have either come to exist, or not, in the Gulf itself.

It was while breathing these fumes, that seemingly have psychoactive properties, that the Vidiot's party (just a small one: a keg and cold sandwiches as no one was sure if it was safe to light up the barbecue) suddenly realized that the camp they had made the night before was parked in what can only be called "a field of fish," where, oddly enough, it seems that hundred of thousands of small fish had made it to the surface of the now almost fully congealed oil and that in an attempt to reenter what used to be water they became trapped with their heads stuck in the tar, leaving only their tails waving in the wind.

It truly was a sight to drive men mad, so while all the men were mad it was left to the Vidiot, with her indomitable spirit, to pack up the camp by herself, tie the vehicles together end-to-end, and literally pull the men back to sanity while she towed them all out of these strange fields single-handedly.

"Hell, I coulda stayed home and done this kinda stuff!" over and over she muttered sotte voce, with an occasional, "While the men have all the fun a woman's work is never done!" just for good measure.

As the last of this long impromptu train of vehicles exited the fields of fish the Vidiot found another anomaly completely strange, odd, unknown, hitherto unseen by man or woman, living or dead or under the influence of strong drink and/or drugs.

She suddenly found herself dragging the party (not everyone was in drag) onto the most flat, level, uninterrupted as far as the eye could see area of lush green grasses, later found to be a hybrid of seaweed and Bermuda grass, leaving the Vidiot to wonder if Bermuda was now trying to inject themselves forcefully into her negotiations with Mexico and Cuba.

While she briefly considered declaring war against Bermuda for this transgression a hugh flock of birds, coming from the east, flew over excreting "poop" (a highly scientific term not usually used with laymen as they are usually so impassioned about trying to get laid that they don't listen anyway) full of grass seeds. Even given this new discovery, however, it remains unknown by what manner the seeds of grass managed to pollinate the seaweed to create this new hybrid grass.

The Vidiot's party (still going on despite her travails) spent the rest of the day relaxing on this comfortable surface, especially when Dr Vidiot discovered that seeds of marijuana had also worked their way into the new hybrid gene pool.

Fortunately several herein unidentified men had rolling papers on hand and were thus able to provide immediate confirmation of this new finding by Dr Vidiot. This did cause some consternation as several members of the party (which had really picked up the pace now) wandered off and found that the grass was just tall enough to conceal themselves from view if they laid or fell down stoned, once again leaving it to the Vidiot to, by herself, unload the trucks, pitch the tents (or bitch about tents, her meaning was not immediately clear as she was speaking parenthetically, a language thought to be long dead), fix the munchies, and generally prepare the camp for the night.

After the camp was pitched (or bitched, it's still unclear) the Vidiot grabbed herself a large beach umbrella, a broad-brimmed hat, sunscreen, a bottle of tequila she had brought for President Calderon, but now realized that he probably had enough of his own, and left the party (now starting to flag) to it's own amusements while she relaxed on her beach lawn chair, under her beach umbrella, applying her beach sunscreen, muttering about some son of a beach, and taking the rest of the day off. To insure she remained undisturbed she carried her new ten gauge shotgun (which itself was disturbing) and posted a signed saying, "Leave me the hell alone!" which is exactly what the rest of the party did for the remainder of the day and into the night.

Further updates will be forthcoming (not that I've concealed anything or been less than honest; I never lie unless I am alone or with somebody) tomorrow.

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Saturday, July 10, 2010


posted by Bill Arnett @ 11:35 AM Permalink

DATELINE: Somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico: The travails facing the Vidiot's Expedition to not only be the first to cross the hardening surface of the Gulf Of Mexico, but the first emissary from the newly formed Gulf States of America to negotiate future roadways and trade routes with Mexico and Cuba, have taken a very dangerous turn as what has been named "gulf fever" has run rampant threw the crews accompanying the Vidiot and Dr. Vidiot.

Large numbers of the crew mutinied during the night and, had the Vidiot's not wisely chosen to "circle the wagons" as in the old west, they might have been taken by surprise and captured, hurt, or killed. As it was a fierce battle raged throughout the night until the Vidiots brought out a highly secret weapon capable of directing high energy heat waves upon the hardened surface of the gulf that resulted in the very "ground" under the feet of the mutineers melting to a consistence thin enough to sink them where they stood.

The Vidiots were very guarded when questioned about this new weapon and its shocking efficiency and were only willing to reveal that the newly formed Department of Defense for the newly formed Gulf States of America had newly developed this new weapon and had allowed the Vidiots to carry this newly developed weapon specifically for new situations such as that happening for the first time last evening.

Meanwhile the Mexican Delegation, headed by President Felipe Calderon and the Cuban Delegation headed by Raul Castro, have themselves run into difficulties as the Gulf along their respective shorelines has not had time to harden as hard as the gulf the portions upon which the Vidiot's delegation rides.

A temporary solution has been proposed to have these two delegations be carried to the hardened edge of the Gulf utilizing converted ice breaking ships to locate the fully congealed edge of the ever-hardening gulf.

This solution itself has led to a new, unanticipated, unforeseen, and unexpected request of the Cuban Delegation to first drive across the gulf to go to Disney World prior to meeting with the Vidiots and the Mexicans.

Negotiations continue.

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Thursday, July 08, 2010


posted by Bill Arnett @ 4:24 PM Permalink

…DATELINE: Somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico.

On this, the second day of a daring, never before tried drive across the Gulf of Mexico it has been found that the GPS, compasses, sextants, maps, and all other forms of guidance systems are failing to keep the American expedition, lead by the Vidiot, on course for the first successful drive across the Gulf to meet in a neutral location with President Felipe Calderon of Mexico and President/Dictator of Cuba, Raul Castro, to negotiate treaties and trade agreements with the disaffected citizens of the newly formed Gulf States of America, which is itself struggling to secede from the United States of America.

As it happens the Vidiot has discovered waves of oil that that baked solid in the bright semi-tropical sunshine, creating large parts of the gulf that are now "mini-hillsides" for which the vehicles must slowly climb up the "tar hills" as the delegation now refers to them, and then struggle to maintain control on the slide down the other side of the wave.

Many of the crew have begun to suffer from sunstroke, as there is no shade, various lung maladies from breathing the fumes arising from the tar hills during the days and the endless monotony of "sameness" that has been known to drive men mad.

Cooking had also proved to be much more problematic than originally thought it would be as any sparks from the barbecue grills that hit the surface must be extinguished immediately before it can spread and weaken the surface.

In fact the one thing upon which the crew seems to universally agree upon is that sleeping on the surface, especially in softer areas is very much like sleeping upon a Swedish Tem-pur Pedic Bed.

No one knows at this point just why every navigation system has failed but the Vidiot seems to think that the Gulf hardening into a solid surface may be altering the magnetic fields read by compasses and the sextants are proving useless due to the lack of distinguishable landmarks and shorelines. So far only the sun has given respite as when it it is up the team can at least figure out which direction in which they are going.

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Wednesday, July 07, 2010


posted by Bill Arnett @ 3:16 PM Permalink

DATELINE: SOMEWHERE IN THE GULF OF MEXICO: Sadly it must be reported that tragedy has stricken the Vidiot's Trade Delegation as she must now face the loss of two vehicles full of delegates due to disabling flat tires on their way across the oil-blanketed Gulf of Mexico.

The expedition to Cuba and Mexico, by the Gulf States of America, which has seceded from the union of the United States of America was undertaken in order to establish separate trade and relations treaties to be negotiated between the three nations.

It seems that no one had anticipated that the mile-deep "oil-floor" over which the delegation must travel would also be covered with debris brought to the surface by the currents of the extremely thick sludge, especially all the nail-filled boards of ships past that had sunk in the Gulf. Two lead vehicles had already hit the boards, blowing out all four tires on each vehicle, before the rest of the expedition could execute the "full-stop maneuver" the teams had practiced extensively as even though the surface was firm enough it is, after all, oil and very much like driving on ice.

Fortunately no was injured, the sole casualties being the loss of two Land Rovers which, by bad luck, had struck and run over the nail-filled board in question. After much debate between the Vidiot and Dr. Vidiot (She: "I TOLD you to check the damn map!" and he, "I'm telling you that you could check every damned map in existence and you would have not found that damn board's position marked!") it was decided to load as many of the delegates as possible on the other vehicles and leave behind a small group of guides and general laborers to safeguard the two Land Rovers until a Hercules C-130E aircraft could locate the stranded part of the party, land, and bring the personnel and vehicles safely home.

Meanwhile the Vidiot and Dr Vidiot continued on this, the very first expedition ever across the Gulf of Mexico by land vehicles.

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Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Yes sir, that's my baby…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 3:10 PM Permalink

…No sir, I don't mean maybe
Yes sir, that's my baby now.

Love ya, Honeyco. (Honeyco literally translates as "my Honey." Bill)


The Vidiot, she wrote me a letter…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 1:08 PM Permalink

…it wasn't any great, world-rocking letter that every schoolchild should learn by rote, but is important in it's own right:
"i'm off to mexico today for 11 days. not back in NYC until the 19th. unless of course we're kidnapped or something, then, you know, blog's all yours."
But I am stricken by the Vidiot's incredible sense of timing and her knowledge of the Gulf, mostly from the time she has spent in New Orleans and the interesting mode of travel she has chosen.

She's motoring to Mexico from Louisiana on top of the oil layer that will now support a considerable amount of weight. Just in case she has taken along an inflatable air raft for those few remaining spots where the oil is too thin to support enough weight which are, thankfully growing fewer and fewer everyday. They are traveling in Land Rovers and Humvees.

I shouldn't really say much right now in this early period of negotiation, but she intends to visit with Mexican President Felipe Calderon and current ruler of Cuba, Raul Castro, with a very exciting proposal to build a superhighway across the top of the mile deep sludge that will lead to immediate commerce between Cuba and Mexico, and, hopefully will soon thereafter lead to open tourism between between both of those countries and the Gulf States of America, which are seceding from the union because they are sick of dickering around with U.S. Agencies and a government that can't seem to do or get anything done and work with real professionals from Mexico and Cuba.

Hopefully the Vidiot will return with the necessary treaties in her hot little hands and construction will begin by November 1st and end by December 31st, just in time to kick off New Year.

And for those tea-baggers afraid that this will lead to a mass exodus of illegal aliens, the Mexican and Cuban governments have guaranteed treatment at least equal to or surpassing the treatment meted out to former illegal aliens in America assuring the Vidiot that illegal aliens will be offered the opportunity to return to America peacefully before they are shot.

They are also carefully pointing out to the Vidiot that almost everyone making a mad dash across the Gulf to live a better life in Mexico and Cuba will likely hit one of the many spots of thin oil and will simply disappear completely, negating any need for hostilities.

So, let's all wish the Vidiot the very best of luck and pray her trip is successful.


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Monday, July 05, 2010

The Gulf: Emblematic of the lousy education given Americans…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 2:09 PM Permalink

…and the things it’s too late to do anything about anyway.

Well, here we are in the 40th or so day after the Great Oil Leak (as opposed to an oil leek, which is some kind of vegetable upon which a light drizzle of oil may or may not be drizzled upon it prior to eating) and I think it is high time for everyone to stop pointing fingers, making accusations, and being offended by the accusations being made by any and everyone.

It is crystal clear to me, except in the Gulf where underwater visibility has dropped to zero, that all of this could have been prevented with better educated public servants.

We, the great unwashed that once averred on a plaque on the Statute of Liberty:
"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door."

when, what we should have engraved, is something like:

“Give me your underpaid and overworked scientists, drafts men, and engineers as we will make them all filthy rich,
Your huddled classes of students outperforming American students by 10, 100, or even 1000% in almost every area of science (hell, we had to get that Oppenheimer fella to make a nuclear bomb! And India graduates almost ten times as many engineers.) and the teachers to provide them with a good education, not like this crap we have now,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore who love the smell of Oil in the morning,
Send these, the overeducated homeless to the ships and planes we will use to allow them to travel in comfort,
I would lift my lamp beside the golden door, but won’t from fear of igniting the Gulf.
I mean c’mom, people! Here we are at something like Day 40 or 50 or whatever and President Obama still hasn’t fixed that broken pipe a mile or so down. A perfect example of what I’m talking about.

While the U.S. is busy hiring desk-bound, never seen the sunshine, and never lifted a tool in my lifetime types we need to change curriculums to better suit the nations needs.

Why do we need so many Harvard Law School graduates, MBAs, and a million other schools training millions and millions of lawyers to fight liability rather than teach them how to roll-up-their-sleeves, get down there in the mud, blood, guts and gore and FIX SOMETHING.

If Obama hadn’t been screwing around being like third or fourth in his class at law school and had, in fact, been a professor teaching Deep Sea Diving, Underwater Drone Utilization for Good Stuff, not blowing people up, Accurate Deep Water Imaging, and How to Blow the Hell Up Leaks (remember, not leeks, the peaceful vegetable), this crisis would have been resolved by now.

Hell, if they had just pumped down all the hot air of the MSM, republican congressmen and senators spew daily they could have welded that pipe shut by now. Maybe if Obama had ordered all the rebublican congressmen and senators to do something heroic, don Deep Water Diving Suits, and then just stuffed them into the leaking pipe it would have been over long ago.

But n-o-o-o-o-o-o, the republicans would rather do absolutely nothing if there is the faintest chance whatever that it might make Obama look successful. I’ll tell you true, if I had the bad luck to have a republican congressman or senator I would be on the phone vociferously demanding to know why they are drawing such high salaries (to me) , along with medical benefits surpassing by any I could dream of, high retirement packages, and all those other benefits they get while they sit on their asses and do nothing al all.

I am highly qualified, due to my unfortunate maladies, to sit on my ass and do nothing and I hereby issue a public challenge to any republic candidates for congress or the senate to a “Sitting on Your Ass Doing Nothing Contest. After all, it will give hundreds of republican deadbeats a reason for doing absolutely nothing for the nation but automatically saying, “No!” to any idea proposed by Obama or democrats.

Image that. A goal to which even a republican may aspire.

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Friday, July 02, 2010

Boy, after 40 years or so, excepting a brief period of unbridled prosperity…

posted by Bill Arnett @ 1:48 PM Permalink

…while Bill Clinton survived the slings and arrows and the bull and horse pucky flung at him by every Neanderthal in the Republican Party with one hand tied behind his back and while thusly fending off the shit he still brought about an eight year period of growth and prosperity, but we all knew there had to come a time of reckoning brought upon us all by the few in power that cared for nothing else than being in power.

I know all Republicans would gladly blow a statue of Reagan peeing in the fountain like those in Belgium with the boy peeing that are so popular in Europe, but too obscene to even look at, much less respect the views of others and discuss it here in America. You'll find many an American, staunch free speech defender, calling for these statues to be gotten rid of. Or made into images of a very young Ronnie Raygun. (Google this, you'll find plenty)

When Reagan was elected it seemed that the country began going to hell faster than a bobsled with lightening shooting up from the turns and complete with crowds such as at the old former Roman-style games cheering for the lions to win. It still amazes me that after publicly admitting that the U.S. was selling arms to "terrorists groups," there are still millions of people that will swear otherwise and pronounce Ronnie the party Saint. The party members completely bought into Reagan's image of the "welfare queens" collecting millions from hardworking taxpayers while they drove their Cadillacs to the Post Office to collect the millions in tax money. People actually bought into this! As a bail agent/bounty hunter for fifteen years I can tell you from my personal experience that the only such people making money were the pimps and dope dealers who beat it out of one to several women.

But hey! Then the fun continued with GWHB, former CIA head and vice president. I remembering laughing so hard that election night when Mila asked me what was wrong, all I could do was laugh even harder and tell her that any country that elects its former head spy for president would surly get what it deserves.

To my surprise, however, Bush ended his political career by raising the taxes he had sworn he never would, and S.O.B., he did because he could see the train wreck coming if he didn't, so in a fit of altruism, hitherto unknown since to exist within the GOP, GHWB raised taxes that, along with the tax raises later to come under Bill Clinton, doubled the value of the stock market and issued in an almost unprecedented period of prosperity and the creation of 22-million new jobs.

I really don't think any correctly thinking citizen would even begin to allege in their wildest dreams that gwb, a terrorist, torturer, sadist, war criminal, squanderer of America's treasury and reservoir, and the most mendacious and ignorant world leader ever was good for America or the world So obviously I am not referring to America's religious-radical, right-wing, mouth-breathing, keep-the-dead-alive (think Terry Schiavo, proclaimed healthy enough to continue treatments by a Doctor Lott of the U.S. Senate despite the fact she was soon thereafter found to be brain dead beyond any hope of revival by her regular doctors), force-women-to bear-a-child-they--do-not-want-and-not -even-from-rape-or-incest, and the many other things gwb and the Big Dick managed to do this country in such a short time with the aid of rich corporations, Big Oil, Big Pharma, and all the other "big somethings".

And what short memories diseased minds retain, attempting to put 40, almost fifty years, of blame on President Obama for the malfeasance, recklessness, illegal, unconstitutional, and secretive little plans to attack Iraq to steal their oil.

It has been an amazing display of dexterity, skill, planning, bold initiatives and remarkable genius! Clearly Obama is the Boris Badenov of this generation, plotting since he was a child to bring about the ruination of America.

As a boy he planned:

global warming and pollution.
The Iran Costa Scandal.
Pimped off Monica Lewinski and almost brought down a presidency!
Single-handedly got gwb the lesser elected president, not just once, but twice!
He was the secret planner of dick cheney for the Oil War, torture, and Gitmo.
He planned and executed the spending of unimaginable sums of money for war and deposing other world leaders.

And you must remember that Obama engineered most of these disasters from his home country when he was just a child.

The mans talents, planning, and ability to execute plans such as these will someday be immortalized in the Presidential Library of every GOP President, all of whom will claim to have alone, by themselves, with no help at all, in a single heroic effort stopped Obama.

The only way any rethuglican will ever give Obama credit for anything after this Gulf Oil Spill is if Obama dons waders and personally undertakes to scoop every last drop of rethuglican-spilled oil from oil rigs from which it is impossible to spill oil.

But the rethuglicans forget: look at all the mayhem wrought single-handledly and tremble in fear at the things to come.

Me? I've got other things on my mind:

Ciao, bella âmi.

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